


The Moon on a Frosty Night

by CatarinaM



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Domestic Violence, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Multi, jeanmarco
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-02-23 05:09:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23672818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatarinaM/pseuds/CatarinaM
Summary: After a traumatic series of events at home, Jean Kirstein finally returns to school and normal life only to find that a new kid has joined his friend group: Marco Bott.The boys come from totally different backgrounds and at first, Jean lashes out at Marco but they slowly form a tight bond.Maybe Marco was exactly the change that Jean needed...
Relationships: Marco Bott/Jean Kirstein
Kudos: 6





	The Moon on a Frosty Night

**Author's Note:**

> BEFORE YOU READ: This story contains domestic violence.  
> The act of it is only explicitly shown in the first chapter and after that it is only referred to / mentioned. Please, If you have ever experienced it or maybe even are currently experiencing it, know that you are loved by so many people. Even if you might not feel like it. There is life past what you are going through, I can promise that. Never, ever be afraid to speak up. I went through my share of physical abuse and the hardest thing for me was to speak out and say something. I know how difficult it is. But know that it is never your fault, and you are not alone <3 <3 my inbox is always open for any and everyone.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

_‘Your eyes were frosted starlight,_   
_Your heart fire and snow._   
_Who was it said, “I love you”?’_

_– A Frosty Night by Robert Graves_

Jean stared at himself in the mirror and felt nothing but shame. His right eye throbbed inside and around it, a blood vessel had broken due to the force and a black and blue bruise surrounded it. His lip bled profusely. He grasped onto the sides of the white porcelain sink and began to sob silently. Jean Kirstein was fed up with his life and everything about it.

He let himself let go and cry, but always picked himself up afterwards and moved on. Until the next time. And the next. He wasn’t sure how many more times he could do this.

Jean’s father was a particularly aggressive man, he always had been for as long as he lived, and he didn’t resist in taking it out on his wife and son. Jean almost preferred when he was the victim, of course wanting to keep his mom safe.

He wiped his tears and slowly lifted his head to look at himself once more. He swore he should have a soundtrack to his life that just played in the background of every dramatic event that happened to him. Well, that, or he should get a reality tv show.

‘Looks like it’s cover-up time.’ he chuckled morbidly to himself as he reached into the cabinet next to him and pulled his mom’s makeup bag from the shelf. He unzipped it and took out her concealer and setting powder. He cleaned himself up and headed to his room, on the way there passing the dining room where his father was attempting to comfort his hysterical mother who was now scrubbing the carpet free of her son’s blood. 

Jean knew that in about an hour, his mom would come in with the same exact story as always, ‘He loves you Jean.’, ‘He doesn’t mean it.’, ‘I promise you we’ll leave soon.’

It was always, always the same. Jean said something his father didn’t want to hear, he got angry and lashed out, his mother had to clean up the mess and then swore she’d had enough until he played the victim and apologized and the cycle re-started itself. But this time it was Jean that had enough.

He changed into some black sweatpants and a plain grey t-shirt and got comfortable under the covers of his bed, turning on the TV to watch some Netflix. He watched Arrested Development to cheer him up after something like this happened. For the family vibes of course. His reasoning was always that yes, the Bluth’s are beyond dysfunctional, but they love each other. Plus, it’s hilarious.

After a knock on the door, he paused the TV and sat up as his mom came in to sit by the edge of his bed. Here we go again, he thought. He spoke ahead of her this time.

‘Mom. No. I don’t care what you say, I can’t take it anymore. I can’t keep going to school looking like this. Mr Ackerman and Mr Smith have both noticed something is going on. And Mr Ackerman’s an asshole, so for him to express any level of concern, says a lot. If you don’t get rid of him, I’m going to go live with Aunt Carla and Uncle Grisha.’ Jean didn’t want to leave his mother alone with that bastard, but he had hoped that this would wake her up a little. He hoped she would choose him over his father, but he was heartbroken that it had come to this.

She sat in silence for a moment and she stared at him with empty eyes, ‘I’m going to call the lawyer tomorrow while I’m at work to get some papers drawn up. I spoke with your grandfather and he’s going to come out here in the morning. While your father is gone during the day, put his shit outside where he parks. I get back before he does so don’t worry, I’ll be here.’

Jean was shocked, ‘Mom… what- ‘

‘Honey, I will always have love for your father. Getting over him is something that will take time. But I can’t and won’t sit back and let him hurt us anymore. I will not be that kind of mother that doesn’t protect her child and instead has her son protect her. What happened in that dining room tonight, I have never seen it go that far. It woke me up, Jean. It shouldn’t have gotten to that point, in fact, I shouldn’t have even let it start all those years ago. He should have been out of our lives the second he did this for the first time, and I am so fucking sorry I didn’t protect you.’ She was crying at this point, the guilt she felt shone through and Jean leaned across and hugged her tightly.

‘Mom, you know I never thought of it like that. And for what it’s worth, I’m sorry too.’

She pulled away and sniffled, ‘Would you really have moved in with the Jaeger’s? I thought you didn’t get along with cousin Eren…’, she gave a slight chuckle. This was the first time Jean had seen his mother come close to a laugh in a long time, she was reminiscing on all the times Jean and Eren had gotten in silly fights as kids.

Her sister Carla had married into the prestigious Jaeger family when she turned 18. Jean’s grandfather had never approved of either of his daughter’s choices in men seeing as Grisha was significantly older than Carla, but he seemed to be the favorite of the two men when it came to how they treated his daughters. Jean looked up to his grandfather a lot, he was a rich CEO of a family-run publishing company and when he retired, Jean’s mother took his place. He hoped to one day take over the business too.

Jean nodded and smiled, ‘I mean if I did go live there, we’d probably end up killing each other, remember the time he cracked eggs in my shoes while the rest of us were swimming at my 10th birthday party?’ he had made her laugh as she thought back to that day. She added, ‘Yeah, and then after, you poured apple juice on his shorts and told everyone he had an accident. Boy, your aunt still hasn’t let me forget that one. Poor Eren was so embarrassed.’

‘Poor Eren? POOR JEAN!’ Jean knew his mom needed some humor, and honestly, Jean and Eren’s ridiculous feud that had been going on for years always resulted in some laughs. Even though they were cousins, they had a relationship like brothers. They fought. A lot. But they were frenemies. They hung out together at school every day, but they also had silly arguments that sometimes got physical.

Jean and his mom sat on his bed, chatted and reminisced for a few hours while his father sat downstairs and stewed.

She eventually kissed him on the forehead and left to go to bed, and Jean hoped she wouldn’t go back on her word about what would go down the next day.

-

Sure enough, the following morning Jean woke up to the smell that only ever came about once in a blue moon when his grandfather visited: Pancakes. They were Jean’s favorite, but his parents always left the house before he got up and he was usually too lazy for anything other than cereal. He practically danced out of bed and down the stairs.

‘Hey Gramps!’ Jean greeted happily as he sat down at the kitchen island, his grandfather setting a full plate of pancakes down in front of him accompanied with some fruit and a glass of orange juice. ‘Morning son, how are ya keeping?’ Gramps was smiling and leaned his arms on the counter as he dug into a plate of his own breakfast.

‘To be honest, it’s not good. I don’t know if mom has told you…’

‘She has. That’s exactly why I’m here, don’t you worry kiddo.’ Jean instantly felt relieved and a weight off his shoulders, but worry was still slightly gnawing at his stomach about how his father would react.

‘You and I are going to throw his stuff out and then when he gets here and signs a couple things, if he doesn’t take his shit and leave, I’ll call the cops. He deserves it, for everything that he’s done under this roof.’ His grandfather was dead set on having his son in law locked up and Jean couldn’t sit there and disagree.

They caught up briefly and after breakfast, Jean got dressed and helped Gramps put everything his father owned outside. It was mainly just clothes and stupid novelty items. ‘God, what must the neighbors think?’ Gramps asked him as the two of them stared at the awkward pile of stuff out on the front pavement. Jean shrugged; he was thankful his mom didn’t seem to care all that much about outside opinions otherwise she probably wouldn’t have stood for this blatant statement of what was going on behind closed doors to onlookers.

He reached into his pocket and took out a coin that his father had given him for good luck when he was a kid. After flicking it around between his thumb and forefinger for a little bit, his grandfather headed back inside, and Jean tossed the coin onto the mess.

His mother came home about an hour before his father did and she laid out some papers on the dining room table. The three of them sat around and waited. All was eerily silent, until they heard a car door slam shut and yelling and swearing of confusion from the front garden. Gramps had locked the door and refused to let him inside unless he was calm.

Mr Kirstein was livid. He threw his stuff around in frustration and as people passed by and glared at him awkwardly, his humiliation grew worse. ‘You’re not getting into this house until you calm yourself. You’ll come in, sign a few documents and then you’ll get out and you will not come back. Ever.’ Jean’s grandfather unlocked the door and explained from the doorway as his son-in-law now came right up to face him, ‘Will you calm down?’ he asked.

Jean’s father nodded with wide, angry eyes, but he was let in and shot past his father in law and into the dining room where his soon-to-be ex-wife and son sat waiting nervously. ‘What the fuck is going on here?’ he spat at Mrs Kirstein.

Gramps ran in and gave him a warning. He then explained the situation. ‘I’m sorry. We’ve had enough.’ Jean’s mom shook her head in agreement with her father and handed her husband a pen, ‘Sign.’

He was backed up into a corner and had no choice but to sign the divorce papers. So, he did. He was strangely compliant. Normally, he would have acted out violently if confronted like this. This scared Jean. As well as divorce papers, Mrs. Kirstein handed him a restraining order for her and her son against him. This sent him over the edge, and he yelled something unintelligible before picking up a dining room chair and throwing it in his father-in-law’s direction.

Jean shot up from his seat and screamed at his father to stop, which made him turn to Jean. ‘You did this.’ he accused his son, stomping over to him and grabbing him harshly by the throat. Jean’s legs felt like jelly and he started to panic when he realized he couldn’t breathe. His grandfather grabbed his daughter, who was hysterical once again, and told her to get outside and call the police. She did as she was told, and Gramps pulled Jean’s father off him and they began to throw punches at each other.

Jean stumbled at the sudden loss of pressure on his throat and fell back onto the floor, gasping for air as he tried to catch and steady his breath. He watched his grandfather finally get the upper hand and pin his father to the ground, ‘The cops are on the way and you’re done for.’ he warned his son-in-law. He sat up on his knees and Jean ran outside to check on his mom who had just gotten off the phone.

He hugged her tightly again, and they waited until the police arrived. Finally, he was out of their hair. His grandfather would deal with the legal issues until the day they were due in court, so other than that, Jean and his mother could finally relax.

It was over and Jean had never felt safer.

-

-

‘Well, well, look who’s finally back. Jesus, Kirstein, how long has it been?’ Eren patted Jean on the back while he was at his locker during lunch doing some well-needed organization.

‘Heyyyyy, long time no see bud.’ Jean was relieved to finally be back at school after all the drama that had gone on in the months before. School had only really started back after Christmas a few weeks earlier, but he had still missed a good bit. Especially socially.

‘The guys have really missed you dude. I mean, I didn’t. Of course not. But the others did.’ Eren joked, giving him a playful nudge to the arm, ‘On a real note, I hope you’re good. My mom told me about what went on. Shit’s crazy.’ Jean nodded and gave him a smile, ‘I’m good don’t worry. And thanks.’ he didn’t feel like going into detail, he just couldn’t wait to see the rest of his friends and things could start to go back to normal.

Him and Eren walked into the cafeteria together and sat down at their usual table. Everyone was there. Mikasa was laughing at Armin who was being teased by his girlfriend Annie. The group had a running joke that they were actually related because they looked so alike. Well really, they were just both blonde. Connie and Sasha were up to their usual shenanigans: Sasha was inhaling her food while Connie stared dreamily at her. Ymir and Krista were still in the honeymoon phase, which Eren was exploiting with some creepy and fetishistic jokes. Everything felt normal to Jean and he loved it.

Except for one thing.

‘Hey guys!’ someone said from behind Jean who snapped his head around to put a face to the unfamiliar voice. A rather buff guy with parted black hair, dazzling brown eyes and cheeks full of more freckles than Jean had even seen on a man, walked around the table with a tray of food and sat across from Jean.

‘Hey? Who the fuck are you?’ he didn’t mean to sound so accusatory; he’d just never seen this guy before.

‘Oh, Jean, this is Marco Bott! He moved here from Krolva. Marco, this is the Jean we’ve told you about.’ Mikasa introduced before she turned back to Armin.

Marco waved at him from across the table, which Jean thought was super childish and rolled his eyes at. Jean turned to Eren who was on his other side and every time he gave Marco a look, Marco was looking right back. He laughed loudly at all of Jean’s jokes which made him rather suspicious.

The group chatted among themselves and caught up with Jean until the bell for the end of lunch trilled, and they went their separate ways to their classes. ‘Hey wait up!’ Marco called behind him.

‘Look, dude, I don’t know you like the guys know you.’ Jean wasn’t interested.

‘Well, I wanna get to know you, Jean. Plus, we have English together now so I thought we could sit together.’

‘I sit with Ymir in this class.’ He tried to think of every possible excuse to dismiss him.

‘It’s okay, she sits with Krista now, your seat and the one beside it are free.’

Jean sighed, ‘You won’t take no for an answer, will you?’

‘Nope!’ Marco’s smile never faltered for even a second.

‘Fine. You can sit with me.’ Jean gave in, the incredibly immature puppy-dog eyes Marco gave him may have been ridiculously persuading somehow. Jean also considered the possibility of turning Marco into his own personal assistant which eventually would come in handy. Marco did look naive enough….

During English class, Marco kept insisting on passing Jean notes. But Jean shoved them all into the pocket of his jeans without opening or reading any of them, ‘Are you seriously trying to live out some stupid fucking high school fantasy or what the hell is wrong with you?’ Whoa. That came out a lot harsher than Jean intended and he immediately felt bad but was too proud to apologize.

This shut Marco up, who quickly went back to doing his work and for the rest of the hour, didn’t even look at him. This was a drastic change to how Marco was acting at lunch.

Jean was now really confused about his own emotions. He didn’t like that Marco was sulking and not speaking at all, but he didn’t know why. They barely knew each other, and he thought Marco was annoying. But… He looked so happy all the time and for the first time in a while, Jean felt bad for being an asshole.

Once English class had finished, Jean had History with Mr. Smith who was currently his favorite teacher. Marco had fled and got lost in the crowd out in the corridor which left Jean to stew in guilt.

Jean sat up at the very front of Mr Smith’s class and was taking notes and concentrating for once but his mind eventually trailed off to think about Marco, ‘I wonder what I said to set him off like this.’ he thought to himself. Images of Marco’s stupid sad face kept replaying in his brain and he started to get frustrated with himself as to why he couldn’t let this go.

‘Mr Kirstein, you look like you’re paying attention and did the homework I assigned over the break. What’s the answer?’

Jean snapped his head up as he heard Mr Smith call his name and looked at the board, he had no clue what was going on at all. All he knew was that they’d been learning about World War Two for weeks now, but of course, he’d been absent. This could work in his favor, ‘Ummmm…. The answer is uh… 1940?’ he took a wild guess and Mr Smith burst out laughing, ‘Jean, really? I asked who led the Nazi Party _in_ 1940.’ Jean blushed a little, ‘Oh…um - ’

Mr Smith interjected, ‘Look, you haven’t been here, so I’ll let it slide this once. Just please pay attention from now on. This is important.’ Jean nodded and snapped himself out of his overthinking brain. He spent the rest of the class listening intently and afterwards, sped to the corridor of lockers to find Marco.

‘Dude, hey! Please talk to me.’ Jean wasn’t sure why, but he now couldn’t bear Marco not speaking to him. Marco wasn’t even rudely ignoring him, he just looked sad.

‘I’m sorry I didn’t mean to be so sensitive. It was just… when you were being sarcastic about living out a school fantasy. Jean, I’ve been home-schooled all my life. I come from a really poor family and when my father finally came into some money at Christmas, he used it to send me here so I could try for a college scholarship. You didn’t know, so it wasn’t even your fault. It just kind of upset me because public school is nothing like what I expected so far.’ Marco explained, he cringed a little at how childish he felt like he sounded.

Jean felt so, so bad. He realized that apart from his father’s situation, he was incredibly privileged. Marco’s parents couldn’t even afford to send him to real school.

‘I’m sorry I phrased it like that, it’s just that, for such a buff dude, you have a really sensitive personality and I guess that kinda shocked me.’ Jean lightened the mood a little to save his own guilt, and Marco getting more upset. ‘I mean passing notes isn’t something guys really do. I was like, if Eren sees this he’s gonna think I’m like, gay or something.’ Jean laughed, even though Eren didn’t even have that class with him. ‘Hey, Eren could have spies’ Jean thought.

Marco giggled. Yes, he _giggled._ Like a fourteen-year-old girl whose parents just let her go to the mall with her friends.

‘Jean, I _am_ gay.’

Jean thought for a moment. Passing notes, the emotions, his weird attachment to Jean, his giggle, it all did make sense and Jean didn’t know how he hadn’t realized it earlier.

‘Oh! Sorry, I hope I didn’t offend you or anything, I just like, you know, I’m straight so…’ Marco shook his head and laughed at how awkward Jean now was, ‘No not at all, don’t worry about it. Trust me I’ve heard worse.’ Hearing this hurt Jean. He didn’t have a homophobic bone in his body and couldn’t even imagine what Marco must have experienced. But he let it go and they continued out their day becoming good friends.

Marco was on the football team along with Jean, Eren and Connie and they had practice after school. Marco was made captain and the coach berated Jean for missing so much practice. Other than that, it wasn’t a very eventful session.

In the locker room that evening, the team had dispersed as Jean was getting changed. ‘Bye dude, see you tomorrow.’ Eren and Connie said almost in unison and laughed with each other as Jean gave them a nod of acknowledgement. They quickly returned to their conversation about Mikasa’s ass and left. Eren had a crush on Mikasa for years, she was Mr Ackerman’s niece who considered Eren to be, in his own words, ‘riff-raff’ and never let him near her. But that didn’t stop him from talking about her to Connie.

The boys were now alone in the locker room.

Jean gave Marco the side-eye as he noticed he was getting dressed too. He was very well built, Jean noticed. His tan was perfect: there was not a single streak of pale skin anywhere to be seen. But his abs were, as Jean would put it in the least gay way he could think of, Greek-God-like. He almost felt inferior. _Almost_. He was pretty scrawny compared to Mr Six Pack over there.

‘Is everything okay?’ Marco asked, catching Jean staring.

‘Huh? Oh yeah, everything’s fine,’ Jean laughed awkwardly and blushed, ‘I was just gonna ask if you wanted to come round mine on Saturday, I’m throwing a pool party to celebrate my grand return to school. The whole gang will be there.’ Jean got his bag ready.

‘Sure, sounds like fun.’ Marco threw his t-shirt on and packed up his bag too, slinging it over his shoulder.

Jean was in front of him at this point, waiting. Marco walked in front of him and opened the door, ‘Ladies first.’ he gestured jokingly with half a bow. ‘Don’t get too cocky, Bott.’ Jean lightly pushed him as he walked through the door.

‘See you tomorrow dude.’ Marco said as he, again, waved at Jean while being right in front of him.

This time, Jean waved back, ‘See ya.’

**Author's Note:**

> HI!!!!!
> 
> Okay so this first chapter was pretty friggin dark and I promise, it is the only v dark chapter in the whole piece but it was exactly how I wanted to begin the story: introducing a different side of Jean to the one everyone else sees. 
> 
> The issues with his father are considered Jean's 'past' and from here on out, it gets progressively lighter and happier! I just wanted to get it out there to start with, so a generally happy story didn't have a super dark and violent contrast later on if that makes any sense, but it is important to the story. 
> 
> I hope to keep the next few chapters light and sweet but detailed and longer, until I get to the point in their friendship where things start to delve a little deeper into both boys' ongoing issues that they're dealing with. What Jean went through will of course, be dealt with later on in the story, but only with references to it aka Jean telling Marco.
> 
> This is only chapter that explicitly depicts physical violence.
> 
> So, I used the phrase Gramps in reference to Jean's grandfather because firstly, it's what I call my grandfather and also I wanted to just keep a small touch of positivity in a really dark scene. The scene of course, is not as detailed and as long as I originally intended and that is only because it is not a main plot point; the after effects are, but I did want to shed some light on the situation of course and I know a restraining order is not that quickly got LOL, but you get the point.
> 
> And yes, Marco's lil notes do come back to haunt him.
> 
> Lastly, please do let me know if you like or dislike the writing style. The one thing I literally always struggle with when writing dialogue is establishing who's speaking. Especially when it's MxM. It's so hard to distinguish between 'he' and 'he' without constantly repeating the character names.
> 
> Feedback is super appreciated as usual <3
> 
> PS if you haven't already seen it, go watch Arrested Development, it honestly is hilarious.
> 
> Xox, Cat.


End file.
